let's see law & order do an episode about this headline: from the startribune.com, "Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey to be knighted in St. Paul"

LINK to ARTICLE

crazy ass picture of the day: a man frozen in an elevator shaft

the detroit news received a tip that there was the body of a man frozen in ice of an elevator shaft of a detroit public school's warehouse...and the tip was right on. there are estimates that the body has been there for several months. the body has been removed (using a saw to get through the ice) and it has not been identified.

LINK to article on MSNBC

UPDATE: The man has been identified as 56-year-old Johnnie Redding of River Rouge. He was last seen by his family in September when he was going out to celebrate his birthday. LINK

selfish florida couple pay $155k to clone a golden lab, rather than resue an already living shelter dog

you get the gist of the article from the headline, but just to reiterate:
a florida couple has paid a bay area company to clone their precious lancelot, a golden lab retriever. the clone's name is lancelot encore and he is now 10 weeks old. on a side note, the selfish florida couple are from the family that invented Nascar, which is something that never would have happened with out them.

the insane couple does have some heart with a family of half a dozen dogs, 10 cats, six sheep and four parrots.

now, my dog is the best dog ever and he could really kick lancelot and his clone spawn's asses back to hell, but i know he would rather i go to my local animal shelter and rescue an animal that would be put down rather then sell my Nascar jewelry to clone him. let that be a lesson to you, rich fools!

LINK to article

i'm sorry. i know i may be a middle aged housewife

more animals

from mr. wesley

TV from yesterday re-invades. Will cause a new generation of TV viewers to distrust aliens.

ABC has green-lit the 80's tv series V, which will be written by one of the 4400 creators, Scott Peters. so, they get rid of Pushing Daisies and hold back on Ugly Betty and bring back V . That's just lovely.

why not just make a show where Slimer, The Noid, and Sledge Hammer start a radio show on WKRP (in Cincinnati), until their distant cousin Balki from Mypos arrives and wants to move in with them. Mr. Roper starts to suspect they have another roomate, but they throw Balki into the closet or kitchen whenever he arrives. This is where Balki meets Alf, that alien from Melmac that the trio is also hiding. When ratings start to slide, they'll adopt a little girl named Punky, even though they're old and don't know anything about little girls. She teaches them to love and what family is all about. Until they get kidnapped by terrorists and a secret agent with a stunning brunette mullet named Angus saves them with some mentos, a diet coke and 3 C batteries.

(I'll stop now. I could do this for a while.)

what does jerry rice and residents of shady oaks nursing home have in common: brains!

upon the review of deceased former NFL player's brains (that were donated to science), the result of multiple concussions over their careers has damaged their brains to the point where they resemble 80 year old dementia patients with Alzheimer's disease. The official name of the condition is chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), and now I will give you a couple moments to form internal jabs at the intelligence levels of football players in general................

the image on the left is of healthy brain tissue of an average human. the image on the right is an image of a middle aged football player's brain.






now, you can get back to your math club, or whatever it is that you nerds do.

more animals

funny and offensive condom ad

star wars told by someone who hasn't seen it.

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

friendly foes

teeth soap on etsy

ok. i'm getting ridiculous. US$6 teeth soap from goat's milk. etsy is like a giant sociology and psychology experiment, isn't it?
LINK

for the futurama fan: brain slug hats

The flight had a stopover on the Brain Slug Planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will.

LINK

"pancake" ring (costume jewelry from etsy)

i think i'm going to focus my energy of food themed products on etsy. today, US$12 buys you a yellow, pink and purple ring that someone from fisher price may have owned. FEAST your eyes on this! buy buy buy! LINK

who hates line cutters and has thumbs? this guy (and by 'guy', i mean 'girl', but it sounds lame to say 'girl')

somewhere in indiana, a 26 yr old man named "edward" and his pop, also named "edward", tried to bypass the chumps* in line at the check-out counter and cut into the line. a man named "chris", who was waiting in the line with his wife and daughter, told the dos edwards to wait their turn. little edward then proceeded to tell chris to mind his own business and asked chris if he wanted to take the dispute outside. chris asked little eddie what his intentions were and little eddie specified the statement by saying he would kick his "posterior" and possibly shoot him. that's when chris, not only a Wal-Mart shopper, but an off-duty police officer, called that emergency dispatchers and requested the presence of an on-duty cop. in response, zwei edwards decided they had enough and tried to leave the scene. chris stood behind auto d'edwards to hold them there until the on-duty cops arrived. sooo, big edman decided to strike the off-duty cop, hitting the cop's leg. then, little edwardo decided to add insult to injury and try to fight the cop. [Link to the article written by people that don't depend on spellcheck]

needless to say, there are two more edmeister's in the clink, and i wish this would happen to all line cutters. i think more off-duty cops should scour the streets and rid communities of the self-righteous, self-centered, self selfishers. YOU GO, OFFICER KIRBY!

*the term "chumps," in this context, refers to people that feel the need to follow societies rules and wait for service behind other people that have been also waiting for service for a longer duration of time than the forementioned people. what a bunch of chumps...

block theater mario

i found it on etsy: tv dinner pendant

i really can't decide what i think of this. i'm kinda thinking of getting my husband a pendant of a crazy cat lady that talks to herself to go with the tv dinner pendant.
i dig?
it's on sale for US$23! LINK

mr. anonymous' show

show concept, target demographic, time slot and network. give me (via comments to this post):

words provided by mike anonymous:

• horse
• rednecks
• bumpy, horny, cheesy
• ate
• ladles
• will melt
  

show concept (situation comedy/fantasy):

• set in kentucky
• a horse named 'Mike', who is owned by rednecks is magically transformed into a human by a witch with a serious skin wart issue. he enjoys being human and discovers that he's unstoppably horny because he has to find love within a year in order to stay human (one of the big mysteries of the show is whether he has to find true or make sweet love with a human). the problem is every night, he turns back into a horse. the rednecks discover his secret and put him to work in the kitchen (as a soup ladler), but this gives him the opportunity to meet all different ladies in the small kentucky town they live in. the witch has a cynical and cheesy humored cat named herman that helps him in his quest. he says snappy things like "straight out of the horses mouth" or "you can lead a horse to water."
• initially, he has a lot of issues on how to pick up women, especially since he can only meet them during the day.
• the twist: the cat, herman, starts to help him out of pity since Mike doesn't know that he was actually born human and the witch had transformed him into a horse as a baby (he's one of the redneck's children) after she helps the rednecks win $50 in the lottery and they don't give her a dime of their winnings.
• funny situations arise when he starts meeting various women, and he says all the wrong things or starts turning back into a horse. also, the witch is afraid of water (b/c she will melt), so there are occasional themes of the witch at the bar trying to pick up men, but afraid of all the drinks.
• target demographic: W35-55, midwest, housewives and right wingers (same audience as reba, disney, larry the cable guy, etc.)
  
• the show runs on ABC, get's through 4 episodes in the 8/7C timeslot on Wednesdays, before it's moved to Thursday's. It runs 3 episodes on Thursdays and get's cancelled and replaced with a show about single, female lawyers, that have lots of sex.

give me words, i'll give you a new hit sticom and decide which network it should be on.

let's play this out like madlibs. if you give me the following words, i will provide a show concept, target demographic, time slot and network. give me (via comments to this post):

• 1 singular noun
• 1 plural noun
  
• 3 adjectives
• 1 past tense verb
• 1 present tense verb
• 1 future verb

i'll post your show on my blog and when the fox network steals the idea, we can sue them together and we'll split the settlement moneys 80/20. mmkay?

now, start providing!

fine print: there is no expiration date on this offer, pending continued monitoring for updated comments by your truly. XO

the more you know: pledging for ada lovelace

ada lovelace was one of the world's first computer programmers, and there is a current blogging campaign for MARCH 24TH dedicated to highlighting women in technology. basically, that whole saying of "as a woman, you have to work twice as hard to get half the credit (compared to our y chromosoned-endowed counterparts)" is translating into a day where bloggers with all sorts of chromosones are encouraged to write about a pioneering woman in technology. 355 bloggers having signed up and the informative website's goal is to have 1,000. since perez hilton (ugh) and lindsay lohan's myspace blog don't count, i will have to do my homework. i'd love it if you would join me. i'll probably also be writing about people that annoy me, but i'll sprinkle it in there somehow.
learn more and pledge HERE

don't know if this helps convince you, but the woman behind this campaign is Suw Charman-Anderson, from Wikipedia: "former Executive Director of the Open Rights Group,^{[citation needed]} a campaign group based in London. She is also a journalist, social software consultant, blogger and public speaker"

an update from 5 minutes later: so far, googling "women inventors" has mostly come up with baby carriers and cookie inventors. this will be harder than i thought.

an expensive message from the church of non-belief

now, i've known some atheists in my time. people that are even passionate about their non-belief. but i didn't think they'd actually spend money to change anyone's mind. an atheist organization in the UK has placed advertising on 800 buses, 200 which will be in London, messaging the there is no god, but you should do good anyways. it is in response to a similar "JesusSaid" campaign from June 2008. [link on boingboing]

now, i'm used to adverts telling me to get saved by Jesus. i'm from a hometown that isn't technically, but does idolize, the south. jesus saves, repent now, 5 easy payments for salvation, etc. etc. but these jesus-folks have money. i've seen some pretty comfortable and styling ministers in my time, and my theory has been that the gates of heaven need more gold to pave the path. cool. god likes money. who doesn't?

what's surprising to me is that atheists have the drive and financing to advertise across 800 buses. the atheists i know just tell anyone that they're wrong and speak condescendingly to anyone of any faith. the ones i know have also generally not believed in spending money on anything other than flat panel tv's and new video game systems (and, occasionally, rent). so, this is interesting. these are very dedicated atheists. they are not only not believing, but their non-belief is so strong that they think bus adverts will convince a believer to stop believing? or is it just a "johnny hit me" resolution of "hitting johnny back"?

either way, congrats to the atheists that have made me believe that they are fiscally passionate about non-believing. you've become an organized, non-religion (who i now view as a religion).

isn't the point of not believing is not having faith in organized religion? and the fact that there are many cases of religious persecution of non-believers?

forget it. i'll just be flattered that there are so many different organizations that will fight for my soul (or acknowledgement of the lack-of). i can't blame you. it's a pretty bitchin soul. slightly irregular, but in working condition. but i digress, please, carry on.

the only way to watch 'the view' is on mute...

now that i'm in an unemployment holding pattern, i have a lot of spare time. mostly, this means actually doing laundry and cleaning out the litter box, with the rest of my time being dedicated to deciding which shows should have been cancelled instead of "pushing daisies".

the biggest culprit of the "why are you still on?" phenomena is 'the view' (please note this is my opinion right now, which will most likely change when we meet the next time slot). i've on occasion been present while 'the view' is on tv. i remember the various attempts of having a "young" co-host, and i've felt pangs of sympathy for lisa ling, having been the only co-host to have experienced the world beyond her support hose and ex-husbands. and for the record, i felt like rosie o'donnell wasn't big on discussion, as much as she was giving you noogies until you said 'uncle' to her perspectives.

however, today, i said, 'oh, america ferrera will be a guest. maybe i'll pop in on the channel and see how that interview goes.' i'm an 'ugly betty' fan. half an hour into the show, there was no interview. it was actually the hosts talking and talking and talking. overall, i don't have specific issues with any individual co-host (don't love hasselbeck, but she's easy enough to ignore). i think i was more annoyed because their whole existence on the show is based on having strong opinions on EVERYTHING. i think belief's and opinions are good, but i believe there has to be some subjects that people could really care less about. on top of that, i realized i really don't care about what any of them think about anything. whoopi can be entertaining. barbara has seen and maybe even done everything under the sun since the dawn of time. the other ones are...there. but i don't really care about what they say b/c their opinions have become white noise. squawking. useless. baseless, even. they aren't wildlife preserve experts. they aren't military experts. they aren't even "men" or relationship experts. so, really, why do i care what they think?

you know who got this whole, "i'm a woman and won't stop talking and you'll like it" thing down? oprah. she has opinions. and she talks a lot. but she has experts on. she asks questions. she's the richest female entertainer in the U.S. (i think) and she is genuinely inquisitive when the cleaning expert tells her she can save $3 a month by using baking soda and vinegar to clean her tub instead of harsh bleach cleaners. like that woman has cleaned a bathtub in the past 15 years...i don't think so.

so, to the women of 'the view': it's great that you're liberated, opinionated women of the times, but i'd rather you spoke with jack hanna about the proliferation of the wallaby before you believe your opinion is the one that really matters. you've become white noise. stop the chaos and get interested in the opinions and theories of the experts, not your own.