i'm sick of women hating women in the workplace

now, i can say that i've probably had more office conflict with women than i have with men. it usually isn't pretty. but, lately, i've been noticing more and more female co-workers (mostly past) mentioning that they wish they worked with and for more men. i have a problem with this, not because they think men are easier to work with, but because i think they don't realize that it's not just about gender. men have the same thoughts or emotions, but they might have a tendency to handle them differently than women. i'm not going to make any serious generalizations here, but i do want you to think more about what it means to care about the gender of your co-workers, superiors, subordinates, interns, the janitor...

what i've started concluding is that:

• the root of the majority of conflict i've faced with female co-workers has been based on feeling threatened, either myself feeling threatened or sensing that my sparring partner is feeling threatened
• this manifests itself as bad-mouthing (creating a team of "haters"), regularly speaking in contrary (for the sake of being contrary or trying to imply incompetence), speaking condescendingly, and just trying to make each other look bad (spoken or unspoken methods)
• resolution is near impossible, because the outcome is usually not ideal for both parties
  
• you still have to work together, you know you don't get along (or at least one of you knows), tattling doesn't work (unless there's a serious concern regarding incompetence or negligence), or one of you has to quit (and its hard to explain while you're interviewing that you really liked your old job, but that bitch just wouldn't let up)
  
• here's where the lightbulb hit as i was staring out the car window coming home from work the other day: men feel threatened too, you just can't tell.
  

think about it. times when you might be able to remember a man feeling threatened:

• you introduced him to your successful and athletic ex-boyfriend (or ex-girlfriend, then he really wonders what you're doing with him)
  
• he brags about how good he is at something and you either beat him at that (poker/soccer/mortal kombat) or your successful, athletic ex-boyfriend beats him at it
• you can bench more than him
• there is one spot left on the rec league flag football team and you're up against a guy who played quarterback at Notre Dame
  
• etc, etc, etc

the point is, these are very normal circumstances which you may even feel insecure or threatened. most likely, that man felt insecure and threatened. he probably didn't really talk about it, though. he probably didn't stop a co-workers desk and say, "ugh, he's just a beast. can we go get a beer and bitch about it?" but he might have thought it. he may have even thought, "at least i'm not an overweight, bitter spinster that no one will ever love. haha." but he kept it to himself.

so, at least in my own mind, men are just as catty and insecure and bitter and threatened, they just don't feel compelled to make that public knowledge. and, while i don't enjoy having my co-workers know that i'm feeling threatened or insecure, i wear my heart on my sleeve. my tells are obvious and many, and that's probably been one of my biggest weaknesses, especially in working with women i didn't get along with.

i don't think my glaring emotions will stop, but i can try to stop myself and think how each of the my actions and what i say effects people's perceptions of me and my work (including my work ethic, attitude, etc.). i can stop and think about how bitching and moaning about someone i think is dragging us down might make just look whiny or bitter or emotional. my old boss said, "Brian's [our boss] perception is our reality." man, was that a hard pill to swallow.

one more note: if the person really is a worthless slag, everyone (qualified) knows it, so they don't need you to point it out.

good night, and good luck.